I come back here

whenever I’m trying to do something. I come back here whenever I am. I have a very difficult time telling the difference.

\\listening to Jimi Hendrix’ Are you experienced? album//

Already in 2010 the universe has given me news and reminders and reinforcements and gifts. Not entirely in that order. I have been reminded of how I think I am a failure at relationships, when really those I trust often fail me. Maybe that is a gift. I will always have  my work. My work is my life. I have been reinforced of my drive for movement and explosion- I have a new car. I have been given family members whom I am learning to be ready to connect with. I have been given time and opportunity for collaboration and research.

I have even been given a plant that has been named Jimmy Baldwin. It was very cold when Simi was leaving and I am hoping the dear spider plant will come back to some health and eventual proliferation.

+++++++++++++++

I am applying at present to another retreat. I am struggling with my cover letter, as always.  I am thinking about my journey. I have had a series of conversations (3 in 3 days) with some women I admire and respect that have all discussed paths and journeys… such a meddlesome thought process really they idea of paths/journeys. We all have our own. yes.

we are all on the same path/journey. also yes.

Since I was 19 I have been interested in the way paths work in circles, you lose yourself and find yourself. You are in the same hoop of someones hopeful arms. we orbit.

People come in and out and back in again from our lives. Some of them we love. Some of them we hate. Some of them will never be forgiven for the sins they did not commit. It is best for you both I think.

**—–**

Lisa the artist cannot forgive you because you have not hurt me.

Lisa the woman feels the same.

Lisa the daughter agrees.

Somehow the universe brought you to me so that I could do it right this time.

Somehow the universe brought you to me so I could start again with love.

These are two different conversations for the sake of this narrative but bear with me- I mean well- and also, the paths are many, but the path is wide.

I come back here to say something about where I go when I am not with you. There will be many things that you will never know,  maybe things I will never tell you. There will always be something we can share.

***********************************************

Now I must commit to the page so that I can commit to a week in June.

Have I mentioned my fear of commitment?

-::shudder::-

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1 Comment

  1. Linda

     /  January 31, 2010

    I have a spider plant that has been with me for 35 years. It started from a little shoot, a gift from a classmate who lived in the town where I was attending college. The plant followed me from home to home, and has seemed to be on its last legs yet has managed to resurrect itself time and again despite my apparent lack of a green thumb. Jimmy Baldwin will be fine with some sunlight, some watering, and some conversation. Quite the metaphor.

    Enjoy your energy, your words your ambition. You help me remember what it was like to have energy and ambition 🙂

    Reply

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